A place to let it all out

For anyone that knows me, you know that from the moment I stepped foot in Alaska, I pretty much wanted out! It is not so much Alaska in and of it's self that I dislike it's the being so far away from family and the realization of what it would cost to visit as often as I wanted that did me in!!  SO for the past two years I have felt like I am just existing and trying to get through till we leave this place, but lately especially the past couple of weeks I have had to come to a place in myself where I could decide that us being here for a while longer would not kill me!

Today as I sat on the couch of a beautiful sister from my ward here and we talked about the benefits of Relief Society and gaining our strength from women of faith, it dawned on me what living in Alaska has done for my faith. It was my turn to recall a woman of faith that inspired me, and while my mother and sisters are always great examples my thoughts went to our time in Wasilla and the women of our ward there. I recalled how I had to call the Relief Society president for our ward and ask for help with my children for while I had Cody. I did not have much time left till having him and all of my plans for help with the kids had fallen through, so I called, introduced myself and asked if there were any women in the ward willing to meet with me and possibly take my babies overnight. GASP!!! We were not even active, I did not know any of these women and I had only ever left my babies overnight once before and that was to find a home in Wasilla while my in laws kept my kids, that was hard enough to do and now I had to trust a stranger! But these women were AMAZING! They came to my home, invited me into theirs, met me at parks for play dates, all to comfort my very weary soul. I recalled how they made going to have Cody and leaving the kids bearable. I remember struggling after I had Cody and had sent Phil home to get the kids. I had always had a full hospital room shortly after giving birth and now I sat there alone looking at this beautiful baby wondering how I would get past no one coming to see what I had just accomplished! I needed to open mouth sob at that point and as I felt myself sinking to that dark poor pity me place, just then at what I perceived  to be my breaking point, in walked beautiful Angie, with balloons, a cake, a smile and a hug... Someone had come to see my miracle and God was kind in his mercies that day!!

 So while being here in Alaska has been full of experiences like the one I just mentioned, I have found myself discontent and longing for home or my perception of home. Over the past few weeks my push to go home has come to a screeching halt! The tax money I was relying on did not come through, the truck broke down and many, many other things put a stop to my race to leave. I had to face the possibility of staying here and try to find contentment in myself and learn to love Alaska while I am here, so I told the landlord we are moving and with families help we found a place that will save us money every month! So here we go moving yet again and here I go on my journey of "Learning to Love Alaska" My goal this year is to enjoy the awesome wonders of what God created here and to create memories so that when we do get to go home we have wonderful stories to share! My hope is that having "a place to let it all out" will help me gain strength and get over myself!