Learning to listen to the still small voice

For months I have been agonizing about whether or not we should move home or stay here a while longer. My whole soul wanted to go home but every time I tried to work it out it seemed to fall apart. I was so unhappy and just plain mad at the world! I miss my moms, my sisters and friends from home. I just wanted out! So finally after exhausting every option to get home, I finally had to accept the fact that we were here for a while longer. I finally had to stop and listen to the still small voice that was telling me that all would be okay and God would take us home when he desired and not a minute sooner.. So my next big hurdle was dealing with our landlord. The cost of living in this house was sinking us and he just kept raising the cost of things. He had called the first week in February and asked how long we thought we would be staying, I told him maybe till October (hoping to use our pfd to get home) if he would renegotiate and settle on a certain amount. He said that sounded okay with him and he would come down the following Saturday to talk to us. So I waited all day that Saturday and he did not show or call. Mind you this was after he forgot to put oil in the tank and then ruined the stove and had to have it removed for repairs, then did not pay the water guys and we ran out with no heat and sick kids!! So my dilemma was whether or not we would be doing something not honorable in the eyes of the Lord by leaving this house. We don't have a contract but I did not want to simply leave him high and dry.

   Earlier this week, after much prayer, we had finally decided that we would be okay telling him that we could no longer pay what he wanted and that we were moving out. We looked at a place on Tuesday it would save us a lot of money every month plus it has a well so no more running out of water! Yay!! Wednesday morning we were all set to see if we could rent the place when the landlord text us and told us he wanted to meet with us that night. I thought maybe a good sign and I hate moving so if he is ready to negotiate we could stay. Well we get there and all he wants is to ask us to haul our own water!! What the heck!! We both just looked at each other in disbelief. So I told him that we were struggling with the cost of the home and that we had never paid this much even when we had our own home and that we would be looking for somewhere else to live. I thought he would want to renegotiate but all he wanted to know is if I would still be able to pay him on Friday!! Oh my gosh! I have been worried about hurting them for months and he could not have cared less!! It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, his actions had finally given me the permission to leave and not worry about them..

I went home and called the man from the other house, we got an application from him and the next day he called to let us know he wanted to rent to us and that if I wanted to paint the house (and believe me I do) he would knock 300.00 dollars off the deposit!! Yay!! SO next week includes packing, painting, working and moving!! I hope we pull it all off without a major mental breakdown but in the same sense I am sooo thankful that God saw fit to help my heart get over my guilt and that he helped us find somewhere that will make life easier for us. Bonus- we get to stay in our ward, the kids are not changing schools and I get to plant a garden this spring! Did not think I would be happy about staying but there is a certain peace that came over me as soon as I knew I would have to stay. It is time to settle and just try to be grateful for what I have instead of longing for what I don't............