So many times during my life I have taken a road that I never dreamed I would. If you would have told me 5 years ago that I would live in Fairbanks Alaska and own a farm, I probably would have laughed myself sick. Yet as I sit here typing in Fairbanks Alaska on my farm I am content for the first time in four years to be where I am.... Does that mean I want to stay in Alaska for the rest of my life? Well, no but it means that for the first time in a long time I have quit fighting God and telling him what I would accept and decided to just let go and let God!
I have kicked and screamed, begged and pleaded, prayed, cried, fasted and just plain demanded that the situation change. I know that may all seem silly but for me it was survival. For me the thought of no longer hanging out with my sisters whenever I wanted was unbearable (still is!) but as time goes on I realize that God has a reason and a season for everything in our lives.
As my children flourish and turn into beautiful people, as I watch them feed the cows, chop wood, gather eggs, or do any of the many other things this new world of ours has to offer, it is then that I see God's hand in our staying here.. This brings into my heart so much gratitude and joy. I feel so very thankful to watch the world through their eyes.
As I meet beautiful people who make me want to aspire to be better, whose strength astounds me and who show such kindness and faithfullness in the face of adversity and challenges that I can only begin to imagine, well that makes my problems seem silly and my selfishness seem childish, and I understand why God wants me to stand in the prensence of such greatness and I am grateful to have that opportunity.
Oh don't get me wrong there are challenges (like the unwanted puppy, that's truly making me feel like an angry, mean person! Sigh!) and it is a ton of work but what a glorious work it is. I find myself already planning the garden for next year and reading books on how to care for cows.. In my mind I have a beautiful picture of what could be and what could be always brings hope, I am grateful for hope...
I am so glad that you guys are doing well. Grandma and Grandpa were telling Bryan and I how beautiful it is up there. I wish we could come up to see you guys. We all miss you very much and love you a great deal.
ReplyDeleteLove you, I made a long-winded comment, but your blog rejected it saying it was more than 4.096 characters. Well, I'm a large character!!! I'll email it to you! :) Have a happy day. Cheers to you Maria. We're all learning from you as well my dear, more than you know.
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