Sleepless Nights

I can't sleep tonight. Not sure why, maybe it's the fact that Phil is working grave tonight and it is snowing which makes me worry about him driving a haul truck in the snow, maybe is the sick baby lying next to me that wakes every half an hour or so and cries because he is sick and congested and struggling to get comfortable. Maybe it is the dishes in the sink that I have not been able to do all weekend because of my sick crying baby, maybe it's the fact that the dryer is taking 2 1/2 hours do dry one load and I am tired of  my laundry piling up, maybe its the fact that I work tomorrow and I don't want to leave my sick baby, maybe it's Arnie ( he has been on my mind a lot lately). Maybe it is all of my anxieties all rolled into one! Who knows! So much has been on my mind lately. It seems as if every time I feel we are taking two steps forward we are once again two steps behind! I feel weary lately almost to my soul! I know it sounds dramatic but there are times that ones spirit seems to be so tired it wonders if it can go on. Maybe it's the lack of sleep this past week, maybe it's the fact the I am missing my mom terribly lately. I am unsure what it is but I feel tired and discouraged a lot lately. Maybe I am lacking sleep, maybe I am lacking faith, maybe I am lacking courage, maybe I am just lacking.........

Whatever it is I am trying desperately to get myself to give it all to God and trust that he can fix it all and make it all get better. My mind knows that with God all things are possible, heck my heart knows it too so why I can't seem to feel peace in my soul I could not tell you. All I can say is that I NEED to feel better about life and I NEED to start just being thankful for the beautiful things God has already given me and stop feeling like the weight of the world is mine to bare alone.. God has not required me to stand alone, never in my life have I truly stood alone, at every point in my life God has made sure that I have been cared for! I am not required to do what Jesus did and die for my brothers sins! SO as I lay here trying to "Give it all to God" and let it all go I ask God to forgive me for my lack of faith and ask him give peace to my soul so that I may once again feel whole!